Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

 

ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Have you ever had a day when you discovered something right in front of you? Something that made you want to slap yourself HARD in the forehead for missing it all this time? Something new. A breakthrough of sorts. A new way of doing things that was so simple. SO SIMPLE. You wondered why it never occurred to you before?

Like your whole entire life, every second of every day, you have heard a song playing in the background. You heard it so much that you stopped noticing it. It was just part of the landscape. Something really shitty and lame, like, say, Billy Idol's "Mony Mony". That fucking song playing over and over and over again for all of your conscious life. Evey moment you can remember.

And then one day you decided to take that damn song off and play something else. You realize you have the choice. You change the song to something of your own choosing. Something that suits you. Like Ray Lamontagne's "Joleen". Like Patty Griffin's "Chief". Like Aretha Franklins "Never loved a man". And then after spending some time with the new groove, you realized how awful it was listening to the old stuff. The old stuff you listenend to for YEARS only because you stopped paying attention. And when you did notice it, you thought you had no choice. You didn't know to look for something else to play because you thought that was it. You were stuck with fucking "Mony Mony".

Part of me knows that I have not heard the last of the old music. It will start playing again when I am not paying attention. Some evil little troll that lives in the dark recesses of my brain will scuttle out giggling maniacally. That little troll will slip the old music in when I am not paying attention. That music that is so much a part of me that I might not even notice it for a while.

But I have the power to pay attention now.

Now I am capable of noticing it.

And on this, the first day of Fall. The season that has always filled me with dreadful longing. Torturous wistful regret. Sad memories enveloping me. The inevitable impending darkness. All summer long, I dread it. Creeping through the crack under the door. Coming to get me. Enveloping me in darkness. It's remarkable, the timing of this.

This is a breakthrough. A major breakthrough. And all there is to share it with right now are the dogs. But I don't even care. I feel the curtains opening. The light is shining in through the small gap in the drapes. I am peeking out at the vast expanse of sky and earth and light. I am seeing things I used to see. I recognize them from a long, long time ago. They warm my heart and fill me with peace. They make me want to sigh with contentment. Right in front of me are colors I forgot about. They were there all the while. And they are beautiful.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Kari said...

Hooray for the new groove!

(Well, except I like Mony, Mony)

10:14 AM  
Blogger SJ said...

I think that 'Mony Mony' may be responsible for your new groove. Good old Billy Idol.

2:55 PM  
Anonymous reachdabbleshine said...

Ahhh...fall is my favorite time of year. It makes me sad that it makes you tortured. But then, summer doesn't turn my crank AT ALL, so I can understand...

9:39 AM  
Blogger Jenny said...

First of all, what the hell is up with the word verification - my 'word' is mrwker, because yes, that is a real word. They should call it random letter verification.

Got that out of my system.

Actually, my 'word' reminds me of Jason Mraz, who I have been newly grooving to myownbadself, and it feels good.

I don't think you realize that fall is the season of my birth, and October is the month of my birth and so therefore you should rejoice. Behold the upcoming Month of Jenny's Birth and be glad in your heart.

Also? I recommend a PSL, if you know what I'm talking about and I think you do.

7:38 PM  
Blogger DDM said...

I love the fall, but am reminded that it means longer, dreary days ahead. I live for these crisp fall days when the sun shines on the leaves that are changing color. I am also the first person to jump on a vacation opportunity to the sun.

11:01 PM  
Blogger shannon said...

Beautiful post.

7:16 PM  

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