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Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Things that go bump

I know I promised all of you to write something entertaining in the near future, but goll-dang if I don't feel about as entertaining as a half-deflated beach ball floating in a neglected wading pool full of mosquito larvae.

It seems to be going around…….

The more “in my head” I get, the harder it is to write something entertaining. That happens when I feel overwhelmed and can’t quite put my finger on the looming feeling of the SOMETHING in my head. SOMETHING that’s off. SOMETHING that’s scary. SOMETHING takes up a lot of room in my brain and sucks up all the oxygen.

It comes and goes. But SOMETHING is currently hiding behind an armchair in my head.

Maybe I am getting closer to figuring it out. It seems things are shifting. There is a strange sense of relief when the dreaded actually happens, because reality is rarely as terrifying as our ignorant minds imagine it to be.

My father used to play a game with my sister Julie and I where he would walk into our room, shut the door, turn off the lights, and growl like a monster. We would FREAK OUT laughing and screaming hysterically until he would pounce on us with a tickle attack. The panic of not knowing where he was, or when the tickle attack would start was much more agonizing than the actually tickle attack.

Then again, maybe in grown-up life things are actually more terrifying in reality than in our dreams. I suppose it depends on whether a person is an optimist or a pessimist.

I hate these cryptic posts.

Oh dear, this is not entertaining at all.

And I know I have had entertaining moments, because Jim and I have been laughing hard the last few days over the most trivial things.

A few weeks ago, in the evening when the house was dark, Maggie was asleep and we were holed up watching TV, I got up to get some socks. As I felt my way back in the dark, Jim jumped out at me from behind a door and scared the bejeezus out of me.

This caused me to ACTUALLY PEE MY PANTS.

Peeing my pants is a post-motherhood phenomenon. Incontinence. THANKS CHILDBIRTH!

According to thesaurus.com, the following are synonyms for incontinence:

My husband startled me, rendering me incontinent.

My husband startled me, rendering me dissipated.

My husband startled me, rendering me tooted.

My husband startled me, rendering me intemperate.

My husband startled me, rendering me binged.

My husband startled me, rendering me dissolute.

My husband startled me, rendering me fornicated.

My husband startled me, rendering me hell-bent.

My husband startled me, rendering me lewd.

My husband startled me, rendering me lecherous.

My husband startled me, rendering me fraternized.

My husband startled me, rendering me lascivious.


Blogger Donna said...

Well, at least it was mildly amusing :)

(I'm relieved to know that even you have those kind of days... makes me feel better about myself.)

5:29 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Oh Dear. If startling you rendered you fornicated, I'd say that Jim has some brushing up on his skills to do
That he needs to write a book.

7:33 PM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

I could have written this post. Except it wouldn't have been nearly as funny.

Maybe I'll just post to you instead.

P.S. Is it the weather?

4:38 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Huh. I know how you feel. This kind of post is the only kind I've been able to write in a while.

I'd like to blame Spring Fever, but that makes it sound like fun.

8:25 PM  

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