Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Monday, April 17, 2006


Easter People.

If my parents were better at sharing their television set, they might well have saved the souls of their daughters from eternal damnation. It’s their fault, really. Their weakness begat our weakness, and now we are all going to H-E-Double-toothpicks in a fiery hand-basket. An Easter basket, to be specific.

Our parents insisted on watching the Twins play New York on television while we waited for Easter dinner to be served. Our eldest sister Julie was at the game, along with her significant other, Howard and her daughters Kate and Jane. My daughter was sleeping, which is PRIME loll-around on the couch in front of the boob tube time. But did they allow us to indulge in an E True Hollywood Story, or a made for TV movie on Lifetime? Oh, no. They had to assert their power over television, and watch the Twins get whalloped by New York, leaving Molly, Betsy and I to entertain ourselves at the table, which was set for dinner. Beautifully, I might add. The silver and crystal were laid out. The Beatrix Potter figurines were genteelly displayed at the center of the table.

We had nowhere else to go.

It started innocently enough. We started playing with the little bunnies that surrounded the floral centerpiece. This begged the question: Did my mother throw away the shoddily painted baby chick I made at community school when I was seven years old? The creepy one with the unsettling pink eyes…. Where was it, and why had she not included it in the Easter display? Offended, I began to rummage through the cabinets in the dining room buffet and began unearthing some Easter artifacts, including my pink-eyed chick, a violet decal-laden bunny cotton-ball dispenser and several other creations equally horrendous and unsettling. We proudly added each atrocity to the burgeoning menagerie.

We started to get a little cheeky.

Wouldn’t it be funny to sneak in a few Christmas decorations to see if anyone noticed? We added a Christmas donkey made of rope, and replaced a salad plate with one that read “Christmas 1997”. We added a pink-cheeked cherub. We muffled our giggles as we heard approaching footsteps, careful not to arouse suspicion.

We found our mothers red ceramic plate that reads “You are special today”.

There was no turning back at this point.

We fell all over ourselves with laughter, choking back hysterical tears. “Jesus!” I croaked. “We’ll set a place for Jesus! Jesus is special today!”

If being crucified and then rising from the dead doesn’t deserve the red “you are special today” plate, then I certainly don’t know what does. We set a place at the table for Jesus. Jesus got the red plate.

And there you have it, the moment we sealed our fates. If our parents had just let us watch TV like we wanted, I would not be worrying right now if that whole scene was technically blasphemy, and if my soul is destined for the fiery depths of Hell.

I really hope Jesus has a good sense of humor. That would certainly bode well for me and my eternal soul.


Blogger cmhl said...

oh myyyyyyyyyyyyy... ha!!!!!!!!!!!

1:28 PM  
Blogger sweetney said...

"jesus got the red plate."

oh man, that's PERFECT.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Amanda Marlaena said...

YES! I love that, no matter how far we get from our childhood days, we never tire of innocent, childlike moments.

No way are you going to hell for your pranks. I personally believe that god, et al. has a sense of humor ... and nothing is more hilarious than blasphemy.

Way to go!

11:43 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Pictures please!!!

11:22 AM  
Blogger Rude Cactus said...

If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor (and he does indeed exist), I'm so screwed.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

At least you didn't lay towels down - so , you know - he wouldn't bleed all over the carpet...

4:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo, Meghan! Jesus here. Nice try
with the red plate and all, but I'm
afraid you've all got some atoning
to do. I lost my sense of humor
during the second Bush administration.

6:52 PM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

I always wanted a big funny family like yours!

9:35 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

Sweet! Just the right mix of blasphemy and family togetherness - the true meaning of Easter :o)

5:28 PM  
Anonymous roo said...

Yes, but shouldn't Jesus get the red plate every day?

1:11 AM  
Anonymous madge said...

In my mind, Jesus now wears a t-shirt that says:

I died on a cross for your sins and all I got was this crummy plate.

6:58 AM  

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