Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Monday, May 15, 2006


Ode to sweet silence

There once was a toy called a Ferbie
That hopped right on everyone’s nervies
And rode them and grated
Til ferbies were hated
And on every last one was wished Scurvy

I browsed through the tables and Chairs
With nary a worry or care
My sister’s yard sale
And instead of a pail
I came home with a blob, eyes and hair

At first sight the toy, is was sweet
All fuzzy faced, with cute little feet
I placed batteries inside
And the toy came alive
and he chattered as we walked down the street

Back to our house we trodded
As the hours went by, mommy plotted
To take that damn toy
And to kill it with joy
Before mommy’s brain fully rotted

The Ferbie, it seems has one flaw
An “off switch” can’t be found on it’s jaw
Or it's back for that matter
On and on, it will chatter
Until violent visions I saw

I have never heard such a toy
That whines without feeling or joy
“I’m Hungry” “I’m sick”
Know what little prick?
You’ve uttered your very last “oy”

And with that in my mind I resolved
And for mommy, the problem was solved
Without feeling or care
I hurled Ferbie down the stairs
And I knew I was truly absolved

For what kind of parent can take,
A toy that will whine cry and shake
When right there before them
Their toddler adores them
Yet requires all the life force we make?

And now we can all go to bed
Knowing our little pal ferbie is dead
At the base of the stairs
Bits of eye, feet and hairs
That goddamned toy made me see red


Blogger DDM said...

Fantastic! I've been known to sneak batteries out of possessed toys. And then when the boy realizes it, say "Oh no! All done!"

9:33 AM  
Blogger Muriel said...

Hilarous! I'm glad we've never owned one of those damn things! And we never will! May it rest in peace at the bottom of your stairs!

9:55 AM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Meghan, that was awesome.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

That was indeed awesome. And I hate those fuckers too.

4:11 PM  
Blogger EverydaySuperGoddess said...

Hah! Suckah!

I guess I could have warned you, but what fun would THAT have been?

4:17 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Horrid creatures. I know a man designed them who didn't have children.

6:04 PM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

Now you know why she could bear to part with such a cwute wittle fuwy thing.

Great rhyming!

10:10 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

Freaking awesome. I don't even have kids and I think that toys that make noise are the work of the devil. Is is possible to have a preemptive strike, ban them from the house?

9:11 AM  

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