Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Monday, August 07, 2006


Mind the Crap

Our local kiddie pool runs amok with small, wriggling human creatures slathered in sunscreen. They like to scream and run and turn and crank various levers, all of which activate high-velocity jets of water which, no matter where I am standing, are subsequently shot directly into my face. This happens most often exactly during the rare moment where Maggie loses her balance and stumbles face first into the water. Blinded, this leaves me to frantically search with my hands (because my eyes have been displaced by water pressure to other parts of my cranium) until I manage to locate her and pull her, choking, out of the water to safety.

After this undoubtedly occurs, I glare at the offending urchin with the hatred of a thousand burning hot suns. The offending urchin then typically considers me for a moment with an off-hand glance, before shrugging their shoulders and moving along to continue their wide path of total destruction and terror elsewhere.

I am often loathe to wonder what kind of excrement lies trapped, lumpy and soggy underneath their swim diapers. I especially wonder this when Maggie eagerly lowers her chin into the water, sips delicately, and exclaims “MMMMM. GOOD!”

These are just a few reasons why I am happy to announce we have graduated to the big pool. The big pool, where there are fewer e coli bacteria per cubic liter of chlorinated water, where there are no blinding streams of water shot at my face, and where there are no play structures on which to trample main, and knock down my sweet, innocent Amazon girl.

This summer, Maggie has grown considerably bolder in the water. She climbs up and down the stairs of the shallow end. She leaps from the ledge into the arms of her father and mother, and she jumps up and down with gleeful wild abandon. It has been a joy to watch her confidence grow.

I had been eying the big waterslides attached to the big pool for the last two summers, but have not tried them because I didn’t want to flout my motherly duties. Even when my husband and I are both there, Maggie seems to prefer that I stay within arms reach in case she needs me. And I am okay with that. Our time at the pool is fun family time, not mommy goes on wild rides by herself time. The waterslides did not appear to be for toddlers, so I just let it go. Not that it was easy. I love rides. The scarier the better. I also hate to go on rides alone. So imagine my excitement when I was informed by a lifeguard that as long as I rode on a tube and held her in my lap, Maggie and I could go down the waterslide together. And faster than you could say “e coli”, we were setting off down the chute.

I worried a little bit that she would be scared. Actually, I worried that I would scar her for life, and that she would never ever want to go in the water ever again. That I would have to give her sponge baths with wet wipes for the rest of her life. We swirled through a dark tunnel, flew into the sunlight, down the shoot, around several corners and shot with a big splash to the bottom. Her only comment as we climbed out with our tube; “Go again?”

I am so excited about the first of many thrills we will share together.

She might look like a miniature, girl version of her father, but that child is mine. One hundred percent.


Anonymous TB said...

You made me cry. This is just beautiful. I can totally picture the two of you on that slide.

4:41 PM  
Anonymous mothergoosemouse said...

Love love LOVE the water slide. Also the escape from the baby pool. Ours always gets filled up with elementary-school age children during "adult swim", and they pay no mind to toddlers who can barely stand up.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Jerri Ann said...

I am not the play parent in our house...but I am the play parent in the water. WE love ourselves some water slides in this house and seek them out. The little one has yet to hit them but at 1 1/2, he enojoys the water way more than his 3 1/2 year old brother does. I love water play...a lot and now my boys to do...my husband is happy to build houses with blocks and saw imaginary wood, but girl, give me the pool and a slide any day!

6:05 PM  
Anonymous madge said...

LOVE the waterslide. GO AGAIN!

What a sweet story.

7:47 PM  
Blogger h&b said...

LOL - "faster than you could say “e coli”.....

My son, all 2yrs of him, also loves big scary slippery dips. He looks like my husband, but the passion for fear and cheap thrills is all mummy ... ;)

6:48 PM  
Blogger DDM said...

Just....awesome. My boy is water CRAZY, just like me. I can't wait to give water slides a try with him. NOW. Thanks for going first.

1:46 AM  
Blogger Missy said...

Sa-weet! My brave four year old son discovered water slides this year--now he's a water slide whore.

6:35 AM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Waterslides! Woo hoo!

That you jumped in to really play with your girl - because you WANTED to play - is so awesome.

6:58 AM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

My daughter would have died of fright on that waterslide. Maggie's amazing!

My biggest fear is that I will be the mom whose child shat in the pool. Please oh please, may I never be that mom.

3:01 PM  

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