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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

 

A letter to women who hover and run

Dear public toilet seat peer-uponer,

I presume that the true reason you hover and spray your urine all over God’s Green earth is that you are afraid you will get some kind of butt disease if the skin on your arse touches the toilet seat. I can see your point of view. And I’m cool with it. Even though I have read a plethora of evidence to the contrary. I have zero problem with you hovering your heine a good few inches above the toilet seat and pissing all over tarnation, or at least all over everything within a 12 inch radius. If nothing else, it’s a good thigh workout right?

Here is what I have a problem with: You have such a delicate constitution that you can’t bear the thought of your clean pure flesh coming in contact with a public toilet seat. I get it. YET YOU LEAVE YOUR PISS ALL OVER SAID SEAT FOR THE NEXT, PERHAPS LESS NEUROTIC PATRON TO SIT IN.

In other words, clean up your pee, you self absorbed twit. There is special place in Hell for you. Think Dante’s Inferno with an entire level of Greyhound bus station feces-covered restroom, and your face duct-taped to the toilet seat.

Sincerely,

Public toilet seat sitter-onner-who inadvertently sat in your pee because you are a selfish, disgusting person.

12 Comments:

Anonymous roo said...

I confess to being a hoverer in most public restrooms. However, I can aim. It's really not that hard-- the stream is relatively narrow, and the bowl is relatively wide. What are these other hoverers doing? Are they swinging their hips rhythmically as they pee?

I don't get it. And I really don't get why such germ-conscious people would be so inconsiderate as to inflict their own biohazards on other people.

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

EEUUUWWW! I've had that happen to me several times. Once, I knew who did it; this older woman who preceeded me in the stall in a restaurant lavatory. It was not an insignificant amount of spray. I still get the heebie jeebies thinking about ti.

I stared her down in back in the restaurant dining area. Just kept staring at her. Made her feel mighty uncomfortable, I did.

6:49 PM  
Blogger DDM said...

I'm a toilet seat TP liner type. And if I really have to go badly, I hover. But I have never, EVER left pee on the seat. *shudder*

9:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here is my hover technique:

Lift the toilet seat, do your hover thang and when finished lower the seat, using TP if you don't want to touch it. Simple. Very Asian. Works well for you and whoever is next in line. pjindy.

4:48 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

I'm a hoverer, but don't leave pee on the seat--that's just plain nasty.

Now that my daughter is potty-trained, public restrooms are a nightmare. Putting toilet seat down on the seat protects her against touching the dirty seat, but what about the pee that dribbles down the front of the toilet? Yuck! (Thank goodness for kid-sized portable toilets.)

12:02 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

Yes, exactly. It is because of these idiots that the seats aren't fit to sit on in the first place. It takes only a second to wipe the rim when you've finished urinating all over it, morons.

6:54 AM  
Blogger Lin said...

Sloppy dribblers really piss me off, too. Egocentric heifers.

Ack.

9:39 PM  
Anonymous stevie said...

Yes! The pee-pee on the toilets....crazy!

4:41 PM  
Blogger HollowSquirrel said...

It's too difficult for me to hover, so I just plop and pee. But even if my bladder is set to burst, I have to check for the SPRAY of which you speak. I'm TOTALLY with you in the pissed off (and on my ASS) department. I don't want your pee on my butt, people, so wipe it!! Damn. I'm bitter. GROSS. ARGH.

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've gotten so germaphobic that I carry wet wipes with me. And at least twice, in crowded restrooms, I've backed out of the stall saying in "horror", how disgusting! Glare at the culprit leaving, and wait the next stall. As I get older, I have gotten less tolerant and less willing to let other peoples bad behavior pass without letting them know that people do notice. It won't charge them, but it's better then fuming silently.

7:57 PM  
Anonymous fin said...

Then you have to hover...just to avoid the pee droplets. The cycle continues...

11:04 AM  
OpenID mariehartsf said...

Only an idiot hovers over a toilet seat. It's impossible to get an infection from a toilet seat (read the NY times or give it a google), but you can give yourself a urinary tract infection from hovering -- caused by excess urine that isn't expelled (and now contaminated by bacteria) and is pulled back into your uretha, thus creating the very infection you're trying to avoid (again, this is easily googled and verified by numberous studies). Hovering is a disgusting filthy habit.

1:48 PM  

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