Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

 

Hold my bazooms

We play a WHOLE LOT of Winnie-the-Pooh at our house. The CD runs constantly in Maggie's room. It seems to have a soothing affect on her. The music helps her to play contentedly without screaming, gnashing her teeth, or throwing things. We like it because it seems to contribute to an overall sense of toddler calmness. Like an audio baby quaalude.

We pop the Pooh CD in, light some incense, turn on the lava lamp, and Jim and I don patchouli and Guatemalan knit skullcaps. Then we play hackey-sack while wee Madge works on mastering the sitar. It’s quite lovely.

Most of the songs are just great in their quintessential Pooh-ness. However: There is one song that I loathe. HATE IT. It grinds on my nerves like the very sharp Williams Sonoma cheese grater we got for a wedding gift. It leaves said nerves in a jangled, finely shredded bloody pile, throbbing and seizing on the floor. No matter when I enter the child’s room, this song seems to be playing. It’s like I am stuck in some G-rated kid-friendly twilight zone song warp.

The songs refrain is sung in the most nauseating trembling church-lady falsetto soprano. You know those women who sing in church and make you wonder “Does anyone think this lady sounds GOOD?” Because she doesn’t. She sounds like a one-toothed stray cat in heat. The cat who is losing her courageous battle with the mange and sharing it all with us in a high-pitched trembling broken wail.
THAT voice.

She really wants someone to hold her balloon.

The refrain is “Hoooold my Bah-Looo-ooo-ooo-ooon, Hoooold my Bah-Looo-ooo-ooo-ooon, Hoooold my Bah-Looo-ooo-ooo-ooon, and touch! The sky”

Jim and I have substituted our own lyrics:

Hooold my poo-poo-ooo-oooo, Hooold my poo-poo-ooo-oooo, Hooold my poo-poo-ooo-oooo, and shat! My eye”

Hoooold my hoo-hoo-ooo-oooo, Hoooold my hoo-hoo-ooo-oooo, Hoooold my hoo-hoo-ooo-oooo, and don’t! Ask why”

And my personal favorite:

Hooold my Ba-zoo-ooo-oooms, Hooold my Ba-zoo-ooo-oooms, Hoooold my Ba-zoo-ooo-oooms, and rub! My stye”

So far, we have been able to stave off Boo-bah and those weird tinkie winkie creatures but I fear we are in for it. This is only the beginning.

7 Comments:

Blogger Donna said...

One of my friends NEVER bought "children's music" for her kids. Instead, they grew up on a diet of Beatles tunes and other 60's pop. Just as pleasant for the children and way easier for the parents to handle!

8:11 AM  
Anonymous Kari said...

Just wait for the Booh-bah shrieks and squeals to rain down upon your home. Or, ban Booh-bah.

We banned Barney. (My 4 year old will actually say, "NO BARNEY! ICKY!" and reach for the remote if he comes on)

But forgot to ban Booh-Bah and Teletubbies.

Our mistake.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Lin said...

We used to play Roy Orbison for the kids, especially in the car. There was something about the sweet purity of his voice...and then when the kids got a little older, they could do backups to my "Only the Lonely," cue the kids:

dum dum dum dummy do wah...

9:53 AM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

We wish we had never bought a Wiggles CD (or worse, the stupid DVDs). Even Laurie Berkner is starting to grate on our nerves.

Along the lines of Donna's comment, we bought a CD of Beatles songs sung by kids. It's called All You Need is Love, and it is great!

And now and then I'll rock out to Ministry and she just has to roll with it.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

I second Ministry. Kids like techno, too. It's like a rave every day at our house.

Without the drugs, of course.

12:11 PM  
Blogger AverageMom said...

We banned Boobah. I swear, they are just Teletubbies on acid. The tubbies snuck in, and I let them stay. Then one day, I was in the shower and when I got out, Barney was here. And I cannot get rid of the big purple freak. He makes my child sing "I love you..you love me" how can I argue with that?!

2:23 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

There are so many really wonderful kids' artists out there. I have such fond memories of singing silly kid songs in the car and in school - I couldn't pass up the chance to share that with my kids. I know there are parents who can't take the kiddie stuff, but it is one of the sweetest parts of childhood, IMO. Let me know if you ever want recommendations.

Booh-bah freaks me the hell out, though. And Barney.

2:55 PM  

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