Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Yah. Only in Minnesota. Yah.

Only in Minnesota would you leave a Target store and have to spend 5 minutes looking for your minivan. Not because you forgot where you parked it, but because it’s difficult to determine which silver minivan is YOURS in a VENERABLE SEA OF SILVER MINIVANS.

I think I walked up to five. “Oh! There it is! Wait… no. That’s not it. Oh! There it is! Wait…no. That’s not it. Oh! There it is! Shit! What the Fuck it wrong with these people? Oh. Wait… What the fuck is wrong with me? How the Hell did I end up to be THAT PERSON? THAT PERSON who can’t find their silver minivan in the TARGET PARKING LOT??? OH MY GOD I AM THAT PERSON!!!!”

The only way in which to differentiate your minivan from the others is to find a large, bright, unusual item to dangle from your rearview mirror, or to purposely damage the exterior of your own silver minivan. I think I will put a remote control strobe light on the hood of mine. Then I will have those fancy hydraulic tires put on and every time I hit the remote to turn on the strobe light the song “Lowrider” will boom from the stereo system and my silver minivan will heave itself up and down on its fancy hydraulic tires, alerting me to its whereabouts. Yeah. I am so doing that.

On the way home from target I saw two personalized license plates. THEY WERE BOTH ON MINIVANS. No I am not kidding. Again, only in Minnesota.

I can only imagine the circumstances that led up to that:

“OH! Mama won the jackpot at the Little Six Casino!! HOT DAMN! After I finish adding the cream of mushroom soup to this hot dish, I’m gonna get me that minivan I’ve had my eye on! The silver one I seen all over the Target parking lot! Yah ! You Betcha! Mama’s gettin’ a new minivan and I’m gonna get one of them fancy license plates. It's gonna say "Mama’s Van"! UFFDA! The ladies at the sewing circle are gonna be SOO JEALOUS!”

Only in Minnesota.


Blogger EverydaySuperGoddess said...

That's exactly the reason I put bumper stickers on my white Civic. There's a boatload of them around, too.

But they're still way cooler than minivans.

11:37 AM  
Blogger jlb said...

I think you just described Michigan as well.

11:40 AM  
Blogger JB said...

Okay, so usually I can find my light blue Chevy Malibu in the Target parking lot because it has a bumper sticker that reads “Smart Women Vote,” a bumper sticker my good friend, AM, gave me before the last disastrous presidential election in which not enough smart women voted.

But UNFORTUNATELY I’m no longer driving my beloved Maliu because it is sitting in some random wrecking yard awaiting to be plundered for parts and/or crushed. So instead I’m driving…can you guess? A silver minivan! It’s the only rental they had available.

I’m not lovin’ it, believe me.

And yet somehow, after reading your post on minivans, I feel better about the whole thing.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

My friend's mom talks just like that. And she's loud, too. So everyone else in the restaurant knows she's from the midwest. Also, same friend drives a silver minivan with a hawaiian lei hanging from the rearview so she can find it in a crowd. I purposely got the "ocean mist" minivan so I could pick it out in the parking lot, BUT last time I was at Target, I parked right next to - you guessed it - another ocean mist.

2:59 PM  
Anonymous Helene said...

another silver minivan owner here ... that's why I love the keybob car alarm :)

6:40 PM  
Blogger Prego said...

Well, at least you're riding in comfort. Perhaps you may want to consider putting this on your antenna. This will really make you stand out in the fold. Better yet, shop at the nearest flea market. The silver minivan is bound to stand out better in a sea of rusty Monte Carlos and Cutlass Supremes.

7:11 PM  
Blogger Lin said...

If you wanna personalize your silver chariot, check out cafepress.com. They have the BEST bumper stickers!

Glad my son lived in Minneapolis for a while. I can visualize the uffda!

7:25 PM  
Blogger Just Dawn said...

In Wisconsin it the GREEN minivan
and yes- I have one!

7:31 PM  
Blogger Just Dawn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:32 PM  
Blogger posthipchick said...

not only in minnesota- it's every suburb in the nation.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Kari said...

OMG. I am totally laughing.

1) I have a van, but it is gold, not silver. Ha!
2) I have personalized license plates. But they aren't stupid ones.
3) "Uff Da!" I haven't heard that expression in quite some time. Of course, my Scan-da-who-vi-an relatives came from Minnesota. :)
4) Go for the lowrider and strobe. Excellent!

10:08 PM  
Blogger GraceD said...

You guys need some of my peeps up there to diversify the parking lot. We Filipinos style n'drive in Trans Ams and overly polished Mercedes Benz.

12:29 AM  
Anonymous pjindy said...

My children are grown and have left the house. You can betcha *I* am not driving a minivan *anymore*!


I told my husband that the minivan period of my life was over and it is going the moment it's warranty is up. January 06. And yep, it's silver.

4:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. Jen says:

Paint it Purple.

I have had a purple honda civic for the last 5 years and I never lost it.

Now I am driving a silver mustange and frequently lose it. I think it has to do with Silver as a color.

5:42 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

While I still feel as hideously generic as I have for the past three months (since moving to surburbia), your post has reassured me yet again that I'm not the only one who looks at my car (or my life) and wonders how in the hell I got HERE.

8:15 AM  

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