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Wednesday, June 06, 2007


Silent Silver Lining.

One might think that a woman 5 months pregnant might relish her sleep as though it could be nuttered away for the impending REM famine and middle-of-the-night newborn hootenannys to come.

The baby has not yet arrived, so aside from a few bumps and kicks, the fetus is innocent of all wrongdoing.

The Gods appear to be against me in other, Hellish, Random non-infant forms.

For example, the most annoying:
Neighbors who leave their grossly neglected dog outside ALL FRIGGING NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT, who just last night, stood outside our bedroom window and barked from 3:30 a.m. until 5:30 a.m.

About 4:00, I looked up their number on the Internet with a reverse address search, and called them to inform them that their dog was disrupting my sleep.

And I enjoyed that part.

Someone picked up the phone and mumbled something about bringing the dog in.

20 minutes later, I heard a few yelps (did they KICK the dog? Nice.) and then half an hour later the barking started up again, indicating that they had intentionally LEFT THE DOG OUTSIDE TO CONTINUE BARKING. Probably so that they might get some undisturbed sleep. How nice for them.



And I like the dog. She’s a beautiful Siberian Husky and very sweet. She is just terribly neglected. AND SHE’S LEFT OUTSIDE ALL NIGHT. EVERY NIGHT. Usually these problems lie with the pet owners. Seriously. What’s the point of having a dog?

So there’s that really pleasant not-at-all-annoying issue.

And then we have…

My preschooler, who has developed a fear of the dark. She calms her fears by crawling out of her warm bed several times a night, racing through the house to turn on every light on the first floor, and then scampering back into her bed to resume sleeping.

The night before last, about 2:30 a.m., I heard her switch on the hall light (that shines directly in our bedroom). Then she shouted “Light ON!” authoritatively before racing back into her bed. As though to warn all the grown up s in the house that they’d best leave that light as-is, or else.

So last night at 3:00 a.m., Maggie made her nightly “run of the lights” and returned to her bed. Normally she will go back to sleep with all the lights in the house blazing bright, but this time she appeared by my bedside, ponytail askew, to whimper “Where’s my binky?”

So I heaved my growing more enormous by the day belly out of bed, dug her binky from where it was wedged between the wall and her bed, and returned to bed. Then, of course, I couldn’t sleep, so I got a granola bar and some milk. I managed to drift off about 3:25 a.m and..

Cue the F-ing neighbor’s dog.

Jim suggested an air mattress in the basement. At this point that sounds like a good idea. No. I am not even kidding.

I will be sure to mention to my neighbors that their pregnant neighbor has been forced from her bed to an air mattress in the basement because they neglect their dog which barks all night directly outside my former bedroom window. Seriously. What the Hell is wrong with them? There are about 7 people that sleep in that house every night (combined widower / divorcee families) not to mention 5 cars parked in the driveway and in front of our house. They all seemed to sleep right though the ruckus. How nice for them.

Jim wears hearing aids, which he takes out at night. He has considered his hearing loss to be a bit of a hardship. Until now. My recent Hellish nighttime tribulations have shown him the silver lining to his cloud, in the form or removable hearing aids and sweet, sweet silence. So we have that. At least we have that.