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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

 

Dear Prison Slang Mommyblogger

Dear Prison Slang Mommyblogger,

We have hit the terrible twos and I need help! Our two-year old daughter recently learned how to climb out of her crib. When I try to place her back in for her nap, she hits me. Hard. I tell her “No!” in a firm voice, and she just laughs at me. How should I handle the situation so she stops hitting me and stays in her crib? Please help!

Frustrated in Poughkeepsie


Dear Frustrated in Poughkeepsie,

So your little jitterbug has the rabbit in her, and thinks it’s funny to split your wig. That’s off the hook, but you can handle it with the help of Prison Slang Mommyblogger!

Dig this out: when dealing with toddlers, you can’t be flipping the script. You have to be consistent, and stick to your guns.

If your little cell warrior continues to bug out, tell her in a firm voice that she needs to stay dead mouthed until she gives you a dime of flat time.

If she makes jackrabbit parole and gets on the bricks again, calmly place her back in her crib and explain that she needs to max out in the big house until you tell her she’s done with her flat time. Otherwise the bling bling will be rolling right back in to give her an LWOP. If she treats you like a lop and tries to sleep you, Give her one warning, and calmly place her back in the bling. You can give her a binky through the bean slot if you need to.

She might cry and say you crossed her out, but like I said, don’t be copping deuces. Consistency is key with toddlers. Put her back in the can until she stops buggin’ out.

If she calms down, you can let her walk down her paper with some cho cho in front of Sesame Street

That should get things stitched up for you.

Good luck,

Prison Slang Mommyblogger

Translation:

So your child climbs out of her crib, and thinks it’s funny to hit Mommy.. That’s a tough situation, but you can handle it with the help of Prison Slang Mommyblogger!

Thy this: when dealing with toddlers, you can’t cave in. You have to be consistent, and stick to your guns.

If your little napper continues to throw a tantrum, tell her in a firm voice that she needs to stay quiet until her two minutes of time-out are over.

If she climbs out again, calmly place her back in her crib and explain that she needs to stay put until her time out is over. Otherwise Mommy will march right back in, and then she will be in time-out again. If she continues to disrespect you and tries to hit, Give her one warning, and calmly place her back in the crib. You can give her a pacifier in her crib if you want to.

She might cry and say it’s unfair, but again, it’s important to remain consistent. Put her back in her crib until she calms down.

If she calms down, you can let her finish her nap with some ice cream in front of Sesame Street as a reward for good behavior.

That should take care of it.

Good Luck,

Prison Slang Mommyblogger

6 Comments:

Blogger Prego said...

Heh. I always like these columns.

I think the Flecth vaulted his crib a couple of times before we just put him in a bed.... which he still refuses to stay in. We're thinking of a rather large dog cage.

Good advice, though.
p


PS - Sorry I grossed you out with the Rosie thing. I wrote that after a trip to the bathroom at the local hockey rink. SOMEbody's gotta do it. My mom worked for years as a cleaning lady in a hospital. The toilets were her least favorite job. She rarely got thanked.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Denise said...

Meghan, I had no idea you were so ghetto fabulous!!!

5:13 PM  
Blogger DDM said...

I missed Prison Slang Mommyblogger! This was friggin FUNNY. *snort*

11:28 PM  
Blogger Muriel said...

Too funny!

7:41 AM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

God, this is too funny. You've got some madd skillz...I mean...you write exceedingly well.

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Dawn said...

Bitch slap could have also been suggested

3:42 PM  

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