Dear Prison Slang Mommyblogger, second edition

Dear Prison Slang Mommyblogger,

My son is having some trouble at school and I am uncertain how to respond. It seems a bully keeps taking Bobby’s sandwich from his lunch. The boy who keeps stealing it will not admit to the crime, and as he has eaten all the evidence, no one can prove anything.

To make matters worse, when my son asks this boy about the missing items, the boy starts to bully him, and has even gotten physical. Again, there was no teacher around to witness the hitting. Should I tell my son to stand up for himself? Should I teach him to respond in a peaceful manner? Please help.

Sincerely,

Frustrated mommy in Minneapolis.

Dear frustrated mommy in Minneapolis,

It sounds like your shorty’s switch isn’t making it through the bean chute. Your son’s little spun out rustler keeps ganking his wham-whams and then when he tries to jam him up, he treats your son like an herb and puts up his fop fops. A perplexing situation indeed. Your response needs to be well thought out.

Perhaps the bully feels like a knick-knack, and because of this, he starts plexin’. It seems he is really only mud-checking your son. While his behavior is certainly throwed off, it is still manageable.

Your first instinct might be to teach your son to catch a square and flat wig the toosh-hog. Duffing the bully out however, is not the answer. This might cause the bully to nut up further and go completely off the hook.

The bully may consume the evidence, but Pottywatch is not an option. I suggest your son round up some of his road dogs and ask them to act as cheese eaters. When the bully is confronted by a teacher, they can story up and weezo for your son. The teacher may then pencil whip the boy for shooting a move, and the bully might get sent to the bam-bam. That way no one gets their wig split. I hope this offers a good solution so your son can live luv luv, and eat his cat head and cho-cho without further disturbance.

Your Truly,

Prison slang mommyblogger

Translation:

Dear frustrated in Minneapolis,

It sounds like your son’s sandwich isn’t making it to the lunch table. Your son’s irrational bully is treating Bobby like a weakling and tries to fight with his fists.

Perhaps the bully feels like he doesn’t fit in. He is really only testing Bobby to see if he will stand up for himself. Beating up the bully is not the answer. This might anger him further and lead to more violent behavior.

Your first instinct might be to teach your son to fight back and flatten the bully. Punching him out is not the answer. This might cause the offender to lose his cool even further and really go nuts.

The bully eats all the evidence but still can’t be subjected to a feces inspection. I suggest Bobby gathers his friends and asks them to act as informants. Then, when Bobby tells the teacher they can back up his story and tell the teacher. The teacher can then write up the offense for the unruly behavior. The bully might get detention. The situation can be resolved without anyone’s head being split open. Then your son can return to living well, and Bobby can eat his bread and ice cream without further disturbance.

Yours truly,

Prison slang mommyblogger