Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Friday, September 30, 2005

 

hands off my zoo-zoos

Big things are happening here. I was informed that my commentary will be published in the Minneapolis Star Tribune on Saturday (that’s tomorrow!). It is my first real published essay. VERY exciting!!!

I will post a link on Saturday.

Jim is gone all weekend on a three day golfing extravaganza with friends. Basically that means that all seven of them will golf until they run out of golf balls and their eyes fall out. Then they will start blindly whacking their own eyeballs with their 9 irons until someone gets hit with one, and surely they will, because they will not longer be able to see to yell “FORE!” At that point we can only hope that someone puts them on a bus home. Empty sockets and all.

I can just hear it. “Please! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! One more round! I know I can improve my handicap (referring to the golf score, not the blindness)! I want to be the first blind golfer to win the U.S. Open!!!! I KNOW I CAN DO IT!”

I put together a gentleman’s rules of golf list in prison lingo for them. I am surprised by the apathetic response to my fun with prison slang. I find it so amusing. Apparently, this is a quirk I do not share with many. AH WELL! Don’t you even think about doing me greasy and giving up the the weedy weedy on where I stashed my clavo of zoo-zoos! BBEEYYAAATTCCCHH!

I will bring prison slang into the mainstream lexicon if it kills me.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Duckie said...

I wish I could talk all prison slang! I tried to comment the last time you posted, but alas, I fucked up. Heh. Anyhoo, I just started reading your site a month or two ago, and DAMN you are fuh-nee! Also, I'm moving to Minnesota in two weeks about forty miles south of the Twin Cities, so any helpful info you could give would be very helpful. Note: I currently live in Wisconsin, so I know ALL about warm winter jackets, etc. Did I mention I hate snow? Meh.

12:34 PM  
Blogger cmhl said...

you know, I am totally unfamiliar with prison slang, I look forward to learning more!! that is something you should always try, if you can, to incorporate into conversation. haha!

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

Congratulations on the essay getting published!! I am so out of it. You better email me and tell me all about it RIGHT NOW! Tell me all about it, woman. Or I will so not be your beeeyotch! (But I'll always be your MoFo!)

2:58 PM  
Anonymous madge said...

I gots to gets me dat golf lista rules, yo. I knows mad lotsa boyeees who dig the links.

Oh, forget it! I just can't do it. I'm humbled by your greatness. Where exactly were you incarcerated?

Oh, but I was serious. Can you post that list? My brother would piss his pants. Yo.

5:02 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

Dude, you would think I would know more prison slang considering all the delinquents with whom I used to work. You think I jest? Lying in the hospital bed holding newborn CJ and watching the news, I learned of some INDICTMENTS. I grabbed my Crackberry and started tap-tap-tapping away. Holy crap.

And what's up with this commentary/essay - dude, you're gonna be a published writer!! Will you still talk to me?

5:05 PM  
Blogger JB said...

Meghan—I wanted to say that I love your banned book list and that I, too, am ruined forever because of my evil reading habits. How dare our children get excited about reading, which, after all, might get them to (gasp!) start thinking about the world they live in!

Also, I adore your prison slang and would like to put in a request. What would happen if an upper class gentleman gofer decided to marry a hot, prison slang talking BBEEYYAAATTCCCHH? And what would happen when upper class, yuppy, snobbish mother-in-law met this little hot tamale?

I can’t help but wonder what the exchange would entail if worlds were to collide in this manner, especially since I have some experience in this scenario.

Just a thought!

P.S. Congrats on the essay—How cool is that? Being published feels as good as you imagine it will. It’s one of the rare things that do.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Mary Tsao said...

Congrats on getting published! Looking forward to reading what you wrote.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Yayayayayay! See! I knew you could do it! You rock! I'm so proud to be one of your biatches!

8:23 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

A 3 day gold extravaganza? Whew! I wanta learn golf oneday too, I definitely should learn that ;-).

9:00 AM  

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