Putting the "MO" in MOFO since 2004

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Saturday, September 17, 2005

 

dream a little dream

I was in the kitchen getting Maggie's lunch of quartered grapes, little cheese cubes and sliced turkey ready for her. Just another regular day doing regular things. I had just woken her up from her nap and she had that happy sleepy aura around her. Her hair was mussed, but she had that "just woken up" contented glow. She grasped a plastic "little people" kitten, in her hand and had popped her pacifier in her mouth. She stood by her highchair and looked at me clutching her little treasure with a face full of binky.

I looked back at her and thought "Can this be? Is this beautiful sweet creature actually my child?" Sometimes when I stop and really think about the fact that I am her mother, and she is my daughter it damn near makes my head explode.

Not to sound nauseatingly cheesy and trite, but being a mom has been a lifelong dream for me. A fantasy. The one thing in life I never had a question about. I always knew I wanted to have children. And I am there. I have done it. I am Maggie's mother. This beautiful child is mine, and how did this just happen anyways?

My life has been rife with struggles. I think underneath it all, I was truly afraid that I would never be here. The fates would never be so kind to me. This kind of happiness. It's for other people. Not me. Yet here I am. And it wasn't a struggle. Not at all. Here is this child who brings so much joy into the world. It is impossible to be unhappy in her presence. I smile so much more now than I ever have before. She is literally the best thing about my life, and I get to be her mom forever. Every single day. I wake up and there it is right in front of me. Sometimes I really can't beleive it.

In life there are events and there are moments. I have always thought that I was more of an event person, but I realize now that it's the smallest moments that have real meaning for me. The little realizations. The moments when time seems to stand still and I allow myself to feel things like gratitude and wonder. The times when I stop and think and feel what is happening. The moments when I Just GET IT. When I allow myself to be mystified. To let go of all my defenses and distractions and allow myself to feel pure unadulterated joy through every cell of my body.

It's just another Saturday, cutting up grapes and cojack cheese. And it feels good. Life. It is sweet, no?

10 Comments:

Blogger Jenny said...

Yeah, it sure is. Thanks for the little peep into your contentment.

6:35 PM  
Anonymous madge said...

That was lovely.

I can't even count the times I've rocked with my Bird and thought, I'll never forget this moment. And, then, just like that, it was gone, replaced by another priceless and wonderful moment.

Thanks for helping me to remember some of them.

8:00 PM  
Blogger mothergoosemouse said...

I never dreamed of being a mother. It was only because of Kyle that I ever began to consider it, and I still had to be coaxed every step of the way until it was a fait accompli.

Now I can hardly bear to imagine where my life would be without my girls. That's not to say that it wouldn't be fulfilling - I'm not about to shortchange myself and my marriage - but I would have never realized all of those wonders about which you speak.

And it sometimes scares me, how I never anticipated those wonders, how I might have been just as happy (or so I would think) to have foregone having children. I know I sound terribly pretentious - pre-kids, I would hate someone like me - but that realization comes to me anew every single day. And I am so thankful for it.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Kari said...

Beautiful moments, indeed. Thank you for sharing.

8:07 AM  
Blogger AverageMom said...

Awww. That is so sweet! I love those moments. Of course, tomorrow she might just decide to refuse the grapes, cheese, etc.
You know what's weird? We eat that same meal here, regularly. We call it "cheese sandwiches" even though no bread is present. Just fruit, cheese, meat.
Got a bit off topic there...

2:35 PM  
Blogger JB said...

That was nice, Meghan, really, really nice. I bet you're a great mom.

9:11 PM  
Blogger bayou_boy504 said...

Now that I've read your post, I'm going to go cut up some grapes for myself :)

5:50 AM  
Anonymous Kelli said...

Being a mom is what I always, always wanted, too. Sometimes when I am just enjoying moments with my boys (3 & 4) I start to panic, thinking, "What if I can't remember this particular moment, this perfect peace?" I hope we both can hang on to these little moments!

11:55 AM  
Anonymous alex said...

what a beautiful post. Makes me believ that parenting isn't as bad as some make it out to be. Thank you for the sweetness of it all.

5:55 PM  
Blogger miss jackie said...

Those are the moments to look forward to.

4:13 PM  

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