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Friday, September 23, 2005

 

Dear Prison Slang Mommyblogger

Dear Prison Slang Mommyblogger,

My three year old daughter has a best friend. The last time she came home from her friend’s house she had a candy bar in her pocket. I asked her friend’s mother if she had given it to her and she said no. I think my daughter stole from her little friend. How should I respond? I want her to confess, and I would like to take the proper disciplinary action. Please help.

Yours truly,

Disappointed Mommy in Maryland.



Dear Disappointed Mommy in Maryland,

So your shortie jacked some wham whams from her ace-duce’s clavo?
Hmmm…

Was she playing on Ass? Maybe that is why she decided to go off the chain and doowop her crimey’s choney. This is not something to take lightly. Mommy, I suggest that you get T-jones on the child and say to her “Press you bunk punk!” It’s time to put on a heat wave and issue a Mickey mouse ticket.

She might try to tell you that you got her down bad, but if you press her friend she might give you the grapes on your little jitterbug. Now, that was a real dope fiend move, and your daughter needs to know that.

Now, no mommy wants to be a Toosh Hog. It maybe difficult to get her friend to give the weedy-weedy on her. If you think your child might turn into a three snap case, you might want to put grass under you and dip the spot until everyone calms down. Then you can tell your daughter that she was out there wrong, that she did her friend greasy, and that it’s time to rack in and red tag until she can learn how to be on the one.

After your daughter has B&B’d, you can tell her to put on her bo-bo’s and give her some bug nasties. You can even hook her up with some zoo-zoo’s if she has made amends to your satisfaction. I hope that helps! Good luck!

Best regards,

Prison Slang Mommy

Translation:


Dear Disappointed Mommy in Maryland,

So your daughter stole some candy from her best-friend's goodie stash?

Hmmm…

Was she without any money? Maybe that is why she decided to go crazy and go through the food line twice to steal her friend's candy bar. This is not something to take lightly.

Mommy, I suggest that you get motherly with the child and say to her “Lay down on your bed and be quiet!” It’s time to find the truth and issue a proper punishment. She might try to tell you that you have accused her wrongly, but if you press her friend she might tattle on your little juvenile delinquent. Now, that was really stupid, crazy behavior, and your daughter needs to know that.

Now, no mommy wants to be a tough disciplinarian. It maybe difficult to get her friend to tell the truth. If you think your child might throw a tantrum, you might want to walk away and leave the area until everyone calms down. Then you can tell your daughter that she was wrong, that treated her friend badly, and that it’s time to go to her room and stay there until she can learn how to be honest.

After your daughter has been freed from her room, you can tell her to put on her shoes and give her a bag lunch. You can even give her some candy if she has made amends to your satisfaction. I hope that helps! Good luck!

Best regards,

Prison Slang Mommy

5 Comments:

Blogger JB said...

Ha, ha!

Damn you're good.

I actually needed the translation. But I swear that Prison Slang Mommy is way cooler than any mommy I ever knew.

9:53 AM  
Blogger PapaCool said...

Another cool mom is MommyCool!

2:43 PM  
Blogger Mindy said...

*Dons do-rag*

"It's a hard knock life..."

4:47 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

Word.

7:40 PM  
Blogger elaine said...

You're way Scary! Thank god for the translation. Very funny.

4:07 AM  

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