Further evidence of my not-cool-ness
Like the world needs any further evidence of my chronic dorkdom. The following is a list of 5 characteristics that contribute to the overall geekiness of me.
And by the way, I am taking back the word "geek" to mean uncool. The word Geek should NOT mean technically savvy and witty and rebellious by not admitting that you are in truly fact cool, but call yourself a geek in an effort to be self-deprecating. I am not technically savvy. I am not cool. I am however a geek. And a dork. Akward? Don't get me started.
Here's the list:
1.I stand on the periphery of any group of people I am talking to and sssllllooooowwwllly get edged into the most uncomfortable spot in the room. The busy walkway where I get knocked around like a pinball, in front of the door that keeps swinging. Getting smushed into the back of the next group (perhaps doubling my akwardness factor?). Then getting DIRTY LOOKS from the person I am being mercilessly pressed into. I think this happens because I am tall and try to stand back so people can see. Or it could be that being a dork, people tend to edge me out in an effort to distance themselves from the dorkiness. DORKINESS. The next think I know, I am staring at everyone's back and feeling like a loser because no one is making eye contact. I have flashbacks of the 6th grade. Whimper.
2. Look at the photo at the top of this page. See that fraction of a head in the back? The one that keeps trying deperately to move to be in view of the camera? The one who seems to be wailing “me too! me too! I want to be in the picture too!” Yeah. There are a lot of pictures of me like that. Again, I could try to pull out the “tall” thing, but that only get a person so far.
3. My favorite game is called “my favorite thing about you”. I like to take turns and go around the table and tell everyone what my favorite thing about them is. You would save a lot of money on therapy if you spent time around me and fed me red wine. Who needs Pollyanna when you've got ME? You want to know what's great about YOU? I'll tell you! And I will go ON and ON and ON.
4. Have you seen any of my elementary school pictures?
5. I love showtunes and I am not afraid to sing them.
6. There are more. OH, THERE ARE MORE.
9 Comments:
Yeah, but see that geek on the right? Yeah the one SMILING like a dork? Hang with me sister. We'll bring the other levels of cool down to our level.
Sooooo, when is our next get together? Another year won't cut it! I miss my bitches!
Haaaa! Hello? Where are my eyeballs?
You wanna talk geek? How do I manage to make every conversation about me? How?
How about my innate desire to be in the middle of any group, facilitating your migration to the outer rim by pushing you back with my giant butt? Huh?
How about Hi! I'm Jennifer Lauck, but not Jennifer Lauck? For 20 minutes? To be podcasted? Why, oh why didn't anyone tackle me to the floor and wrestle the microphone away from my sweaty grasp?
How about the "I've got to stand in the middle, center of every photo because I'm so short!" And then make weird faces and or eclipse the cute people on either side of me.
Lipstick, teeth. Have you met?
I seriously love your "what I love about you game." That's like the best game ever. Because I can make it all about me.
Mofo dorks, the lot of us.
i suspect you're hoping someone will reciprocate and tell you their favorite thing about you.
it might turn out to be your refreshing lack of coolness
or your good writing
Hey, Meghan. I'm such a geek, I'm not even in the picture!
(Maybe geekdom IS the thing we all share.)
My favorite observation is that all we white chicks are making the SAME SIGN. "Lesse, there are some fingers pointing out, some folded... here's the church and here's the steeple..."
DORKS.
And I grew up in inner-city Chicago.
Meghan? I think you're cool because you seem so horribly sunburned in the Friday dinner photos but have miraculous healed for Saturday. And with Minnesota skin to boot. THAT'S class.
And wanna hear why I AM the biggest geek? I've only been divorced for 20 days and already I proposed to you and Jenny. WHEN WILL I LEARN?
Geez, Meghan, if you're a geek, what does that make me? I'm hanging around just out of camera range there, hoping the cool kids will let me be in one of the pictures. And, when I do get in a picture, it's SO OBVIOUS that I'm standing on my tippy-toes trying to be visible.
Next year we can sing show tunes together.
Oh rub it in, MINDY! You bitch! You didn't even propose to ME! Does that make me the biggest dork ever? Waaahhhhhh! I knew you were just using me and not going to propose and make an honest woman of me.
Meghan, let's just elope with Jenny without MINDY! HA! ;-)
My kind of gals!
Hugs,
Prissy
You are killing me! I'm not tall, but everything else you wrote applies (except for the red wine - please feed me apple martinis instead).
I once told my parents that I thought I was so ugly as a child, I wouldn't have let me out of the house if I were them. I looked like such a geek. Not cute at all.
And I LOVE show tunes. West Side Story, A Chorus Line, Sweet Charity, Cats, Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables...I'll stop now.
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